Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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