dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We're too hungover to prance.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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