I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
