After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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