so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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