Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
third nipple confirmed
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
