so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
