The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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