can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
