my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
