You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
