o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
