Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
third nipple confirmed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
