Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How external is "for external use only"?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
