I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
