I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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