So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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