just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You made out with two different species that night
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
