did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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