Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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