it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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