I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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