He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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