just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Come share oat with me in your robe
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
