Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
