I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
