It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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