Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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