Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
