I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
