if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
