Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
