I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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