bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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