I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
