So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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