she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
