just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
