She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
