very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
