Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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