Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
