It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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