Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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