oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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