Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
