There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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