I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
