you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
