it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
