not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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