She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
